Chili Inside and Chilly Outside!

It’s been three days since my last post.  I knew this would be hard I just had no idea how physically exhausting.  My last meal nearly took me down, but after three days bed rest I feel like I can muster up enough strength to continue.  Today’s challenge is one I thought I would never be able to conquer as a single man, but I feel the need to try!

What I assumed would be the easy part turned out to be treacherous! Getting the can out of the cupboard!  As I slowly ascended from my recliner to head for the kitchen I felt my first obstacle…lightheadedness!  With the raw determination of a lion I pressed on with no regard for my own safety.

I made it to the entrance of the kitchen and braced myself against the door frame for a good hour, I had made it.  My joy was quickly overcome by terror when I noticed the next challenge in front of me.  In the ten feet between myself and the delicious can of Hormel Turkey Chili (yes Hormel I will accept your endorsement deal) was a pile of shoes.  Yes, you heard me right SHOES.  I carefully tip toed past the first pair only to have the laces from the second pair attack my feet and take me down.  As I awoke on the ground face smashed into a loafer I realized I had been beat by a pair of Asics.  Karma’s a bitch and you’ll get yours someday!

After a short cry and a juice box I was back on track.  I reached the cupboard and pulled the can out and held it high while I let out a roar that would have made Thor himself shiver.  I cracked back the tab opening like it was nothing; after all I curl 3.5 lb weights at the gym so I think I can handle a tab top.  I grabbed a pot and headed over to the stove or as it is known in my home “the white thing next to the fridge that gets hot”.

As I turned the burner to light and saw a blue flame appear I felt a slight God complex as I had just created fire.  I placed the pot ever so gently on the burner and started the victory poor into the pot.  My speed was not adjusted properly and chili was flying everywhere.  I was in the mix; this is what it’s all about.  I quickly note to myself that next time I make chili I need to get my ski goggles for safety.

I see a bubble form and get excited, the time has come.  I empty the pot into a bowl and head back to the recliner paying close attention to avoid the demented pair of running shoes.  I carefully lower my ass into the recliner.  I grab the remote and hit play, no matter how many times I watch it I still get excited to see the Wizard of Oz on VHS.  I grab my spoon and dive it to taste my reward….ahhhhhhh, WTF, its cold.  I throw it out and order Chinese.

F cooking!